Feedback For The Given Essays Assessment Answer
Key Topics
- Essay 1
- Essay 2
- Feedback
- Introduction
- What calculate as facts
- What substances to lecturer
- Where the evidences are finding
- Experimentation
- Individuals understanding
Write the feedback for these two given essays. Is the author's position clear? Has he clearly defended his position with evidence from the essays? What could he do to strengthen the essay?
Essay 1
Body Image in America
In our Western culture, appearance is an issue that most people struggle with. The discussion surrounding ideal body image is flooded with concerns about eating disorders, as well as mental health issues that are present because of these body image issues. Society dictates our every move when it comes to our appearance, ranging from what we weigh to what we wear. People have begun to judge their self-worth on something that they read out of a magazine article. While it may be assumed that women are the only ones who deal with these issues, this is simply not the case. True, women are told that skinnier is better, but men are shown that they need to be in the running to compete for the next Mr. Olympia competition to be found attractive by their peers. Ideal weight and body type issues affect both men and women negatively, leading to unhealthy lifestyles and eating behaviors.
Gender roles play a huge factor in the way individuals in Western culture view themselves. The media portrays the ideal man or women in numerous ways, from dolls to television shows. Fatema Mernissi writes about her experience in a New York fashion store, where the sales associate explains to her that she cannot buy clothes there because she is not what society views as the norm, stating that “Size 4 and 6 are the norm” (234). Even in our shopping malls, we are shown that we are not good enough unless we fit the mold that our culture has made for us. The issue of a public acceptable perception is not reserved for the women in our culture. When you go to the store and look at the toys section, you will notice that the superhero’s, who are typically geared towards little boys, are not simply in shape, but are overly muscular. This superhero stereotype is transferred into an issue for adult males, as we see the movies about these superheroes, where the men look as though they have been pumped full of steroids to achieve this ideal body (TIME). Everywhere we look, we see the perfect body, and turn that into self-loathing because we look differently.
Unhealthy lifestyles and eating behaviors are strongly correlated with the way women view their bodies. We live in a culture where it is typical to see women refrain from eating certain foods, and sometimes, and food at all, because they do not look the way society tells them they should. In any make up store, you can find a plethora of items that allow you to completely alter the appearance for a person’s face. While growing up, I saw girls wearing make up to express themselves artistically. Now, we see girls who wear make up and apply it a certain way so that they can make their cheek bones protrude or make their nose narrower. It is a way to make their face ideal for society. The same is true in their clothing choices. Mernissi recalls an associate expressing to her that people working in the fashion industry may become unemployed if they do not fit the perception that their workplace has set forth, regarding their weight (235). The reality is that some of these women are losing more than a job, they are losing their lives! Eating disorders have become a way for women to control their weight. Instead of dieting, they eat far less than what they need, or they binge on food and then purge it later so that they are not gaining weight. Lake discusses the presence of eating disorders in Western culture from the aspect of a non-westerner entering the culture. Women who integrate into this culture from a non-western culture are increasing in numbers for eating disorders because they are “assimilating host society norms and values” in an attempt to achieve the ideal body in Western culture. In other countries, women refrain from eating certain foods because of physical pains that are caused to them by consuming those foods. In Western culture, women refrain eating certain foods to obtain this ideal body image (Lake).
Body perception and image issues are not reserved for women only. Studies have shown that men are affected by perception issues at just as high of a rate as women and adolescent boys are affected by image issues at a higher rate than their female counterparts (TIME). It is common for people to assume that if body image is being discussed, it is because women are going to extremes to be as skinny as possible so that they fit what society says they should look like. However, men go to extremes that are equally as dangerous in an attempt to look like the men we see in action movies. As the actors we see on the screen become bigger and more muscular, there is a significant decrease in the satisfaction of real life men with their bodies (TIME). Men are turning to alternatives, such as anabolic steroids, in an attempt to look like what they see on the movie and television screens. “Up to 4 million Americans – nearly all of them male – have tried steroids at some point” (TIME). These numbers, although high, are not all that surprising, considering how much of an affect social stigmas have on people. Men suffer from these body image issues in a different form, muscle dysmorphia, where they feel like they never look big enough to satisfy themselves. These issues, without doubt, come from this unrealistic bar that has been set in society on what anyone should look like, regardless of gender.
When you look in magazines, in movies, and even on book covers, you see a woman who looks like she could be competing in the next Miss America pageant, and more often than not, she is paired with a man who looks like Mr. Universe. It is blatantly obvious that these are the images that people are molding themselves after. Unfortunately, to obtain these ideal bodies, people are turning to dangerous methods, such as eating disorders or steroid use, to make themselves look the way society wants them to. These issues are real, and they are potentially life threatening, to people who are attempting to transform into the ideal body. Society must understand that until we as a culture change what we think makes someone beautiful, people will continue to practice these methods.
Essay 2
Matthew Bergin
Western society’s outlook on the human physique is driven through media outlets such as reality T.V., Facebook, Instagram, etc. This media driven societal representation of what we should look like is extremely misguided and unfortunate. We glorify celebrities and want to look like them so much that we are willing to castrate ourselves to do it. Western society is at the forefront of the social normal, but we are setting ourselves and the world up for disaster. Children today are learning things such as how to enhance your lips, butt and breast enhancements (implants), and hair removal/implants. “The image of beauty in the West can hurt and humiliate a woman as much as the veil does when enforced by the state police in extremist nations such as Iran, Afghanistan, or Saudi Arabia”, Fatema Mernissi writes in “Size 6: The Western Women’s Harem”, of how a visit to a department store in New York showed her the true colors of our culture (233).
Just as in Mernissi’s story, we judge women and men on their outer appearance. This isn’t different from any society anywhere or during any time through out history. What is different today, is that we let the media influence our idea’s of “normal” to base our decisions on. Even more disturbing about this is that we accept it. We accept the fact that all women should look like manikins when they put clothes on. Society expects men to have broad shoulders, a six pack, and a full head of hair. Although we refuse to talk about it, the media is changing the way men feel they need to look as well as women. Both sexes are under attack from society to fit into the perfect image. We are pushing ourselves so far, that we are on the brink of being unhealthy.
Everywhere you look from television, to magazines, to billboards, we are all influenced by some source of media of what the “social standard” is. Specific celebrities are chosen to be the face of companies to advertise the social norm. [This is pushing women in a direction where they are developing eating disorders, as well as having a low self-esteem, and even depression.] People are even willing to have surgery to become more like their favorite celebrities. We don’t just stop with personal appearance, we go as far as having to wear exactly what the social norm dictates. “The norm is everywhere, my dear, … big department stores go by the norm.” Mernissi was told this while shopping for clothes (235).
Feedback
Introduction
It might not clear all the things regarding lack of evidence support. Acquire knowledge from the past the main thing is that all writers search evidence with trial and error method. Qualitative and quantitative analysis are much more needed to explore an essay. The support took from evidence based will be marked as high value. Here in this essay a word is written about sexuality matters and both male and female sex are under attack from society. It is not clear and not all the type of societies it is happened at all. The social norm is different in different societies and some kind of evidence is a basic need to justify. The same could be found out on the second essay as well about culture and dresses in America. Justification of any essays play a major role. The proper structure should be built up and also need methods how to collect data and then analysis all the part is mandatory.
There are many essays, which are making an argument. This means that you must take a position on the subject you are discussing in addition to support that situation with substantiation According to these two essays we know many things about western culture. And Western society’s outlook on the human being physique is driven throughout media outlets for example reality T.V., Facebook, Instagram, etc. And health issues in America, and there are also involved eating disorders as well as mental issue. Just as in Mernissi’s story, we reviewer women as well as men on their outer manifestation we accept the reality that every women should appear like manikins while they put outfit. Society imagines men to contain broad shoulders, a six pack, as well as a full head of hair. Even though we refuse to have an argument about it, the media is altering the method men feel they require to look as well as women. Equally sexes are beneath attack as of society to fit into the ideal representation. We are approaching ourselves so distant, that we are on the point of being unhealthful. In this Mernissi’s story clothing is an a point of argument.
What calculate as facts
Earlier than you begin assembly information for probable utilization as substantiation in your argument, the author necessitate to be confident that he understand the purpose of his assignment. Stipulation the author functioning on a project intended for a class, look cautiously at the project prompt. It might give you clues concerning what sorts of evidence he will require.
What substances to lecturer
Lecturer in dissimilar academic fields expect dissimilar kinds of arguments as well as evidence—the author’s English paper might comprise passages as of a narrative, examples of persistent symbols, or else discussions of categorization in the essay. Think about what kinds of sources as well as evidence he have seen in path readings along with lectures. The author may desire to observe whether the script Center has a brochure regarding the precise academic field you’re functioning in—for instance, literature, sociology, otherwise history.in this two given essays exact celebrities are selected to be the features of companies to promote the communal custom.
Where the evidences are finding
Here are a number of examples of basis of information as well as tips concerning how to utilize them in gathering substantiation. Ask lecturer if we aren’t sure whether a convinced source would be suitable for the essays.
Experimentation
Experimental information serves as the main form of scientific confirmation. For scientific experimentation, should pursue the specific guiding principle of the regulation of studying. For inscription in additional fields, additional informal experiments might be satisfactory as substantiation.
Individuals understanding
Using own experiences can be a prevailing method to demand to person who reads. It is important to make use of personal understanding only while it is suitable for topic, for writing objectives, as well as your viewers.
Workings discussion with
We discuss with these workings whereas writing the unique version of this brochure. This is not a comprehensive list of resources on the handout’s theme, as well as we give confidence to do possess investigation to discover the latest magazine on this subject.
References
Ferris, D. R. (2006). Does error feedback help student writers? New evidence on the short-and long-term effects of written error correction. Feedback in second language writing: Contexts and issues, 81104.
De Man, P. (2013). Blindness and insight: Essays in the rhetoric of contemporary criticism. Routledge.
