ENGL225 Business Writing: Weakness and Strengths of Text

Message Strategies: Requesting An Adjustment

Let’s assume the following message is an email. Read it and

• Analyze the strengths and weaknesses of the following text

• Revise the document so that it follows chapter 8’s

Subject: Negotiator Pro

At a local business-supply store, I recently purchased your Negotiator Pro for my computer. I bought the CD because I saw your ad for it in Macworld magazine, and it looked as if it might be an effective tool for use in my corporate seminar on negotiation. Unfortunately, when I inserted in my office computer, it wouldn’t work. I returned it to the store, but because I had already opened it, they refuse to exchange it for a CD that would work or give me a refund. They told me to contact you and that you might be able to send me a version that would work with my computer.

You can send me the information to me at my email address. If you cannot send me the correct disc, please refund my $79.95. Thanks in advance for any help you can give me in this matter.

John Smith

Now that you have fixed and improved the above request, put yourself in the place of the company and respond to the claim by writing a letter.

Weakness and strengths

The strength of the text is that it is directly introduced with the issue. It clearly shows that the writer has engaged in business with the said company. However, the document fails to mention the real name of the company. Therefore, it is impossible to understand whom the letter is addressed to. The version has no formal address of the recipient. Thus, the letter can be sent to the wrong recipient. It is expected that the writer of the document should know from which company he made the purchase of which a third party cannot be able to understand such a context if not explained well (Mariani, 2010).

ustify;">The writer is referred to a third party to get any assistance and fails to understand its role in the transaction. The writer addresses the third party assuming that he must bear the responsibility to pay him as a compulsory. He argues like it is the third party who has caused such damages. Instead of using polite language to address the third party, the writer uses coercion and threats to demand services or repayment. It should be noted that it is not the responsibility of the third party to make compensation (Brenize, 2010). It should be highly noted that it is not the third party who has caused the damages to the writer to deserve such writing.

The strength of the text is that it has indicated the value of the product the buyer had purchased from the first dealer. Another advantage is on lessons learned. The document serves an experience that when a business organization gives incredible products to their customers, they should extend their hand in ensuring that the products (Avraham, 2018). It should be the responsibility of the seller to make the replacement of the CD or make a refund to the seller. It should also have not referred the writer to a third since it should have taken the full responsibility for helping them. The writer also failed to test before making payment on the product. Doing a test will have guaranteed whether the disc is compatible with his machine or not.

Revised document

It is with high regard that I write this letter to you from a customer base. There is a product I purchased from a company that you are related with, bearing the name xxx. However, the disc seems to be incompatible with my machine and had requested for an exchange as I was referred to you. I guess the reason for this reference is because you are related in one way and that the other firm maybe could not be in a position to replace the same product at their level. Therefore, it is the reason for sending me to your company.

The company said that if I could have communicated, you would be in a position to replace my version, having in mind that we had a strong relationship with company xxx; it is my wish that such will continue. I try to guess the latter failed to understand the specifications I made leading to them sending the wrong version. Therefore, I request that you can fix this problem if you are in a position or you can guide me on the way forward to getting assistance. I have attached in my letter copies of transaction document such as receipts for your reference. I am ready for any clarification that the company will be aiming to acquire from me, therefore, will provide with utmost good faith.

You can reach me through the letterhead address so that we can be able to engage further. I am looking forward to obtaining good services from the company and establishing a long-lasting relationship. I know you will understand the urgency of the matter and the weight attached and that you will find time to respond appropriately.

John Smith

Response to the improved request

RE: Reference to letter “negotiator pro.”

I salute you and reply to a letter you had written to the firm regarding the purchase of a faulty disc. We received your complaints and responded to them. Our company is client based and gives the customer the priority. Your claims were valid about the purchase of the product. However, some issues are pending investigation to establish the liability of the organization in making the compensation of the said product.

We would like to assure you that it will be our responsibility to ensure you get served to satisfaction and to the level that we can manage. We are making a follow up with the latter company to ensure that we establish a secure connection on how such a fault occurred in the system. It is our responsibility to scrutinize all the systems before making a refund or compensation of the product. We will first investigate the matter. It is up to your knowledge to understand that you should be liable for the fault caused by the product. All the parties in the transaction will be highly involved and should ensure that they act with utmost faith towards establishing the base.

Since our investigation will cut across all the parties, the one found to have interfered with the system will be liable even if it is the customer. If the faults of the system occurred with the other company, it would be our responsibility to compensate with a suitable device or to make a refund. If after our investigation we find out that you were involved in interfering with the CD then you will be liable for your damages; there will be no compensation. Therefore, we request that you give our company time and have patience as we settle for serving you better. We also urge that every time you will be called upon for any form of clarification you will be available to ensure an easy process. It is through cooperation that we are going to have a successful operation. All the parties should ensure that the information provided has not been distorted and that it is made with honesty. We also welcome you to seek clarification if there is any need

Company xxx

References

Avraham, E. (2018). Message focused strategies. Media Strategies for Marketing Places in Crisis, 135-177. doi:10.1016/b978-0-7506-8452-1.50014-7

Brenize, K. C. (2010). Making Bold Adjustments: The AAV in Enhanced Company Operations. doi:10.21236/ada536655

Mariani, L. (2010). Communication strategies. Lulu Enterprises Inc.

Schneider, J. (2018). Making Claims, Making Problems, Making Morality: Spector and Kitsuse’s Provocation. The American Sociologist. doi:10.1007/s12108-018-9390-4